Our perception of time is funny thing. We expend as much effort willing it to move faster and skim over the bad as we do willing it to slow down and linger in the good, in spite of our understanding that the earth's rotation isn't subject to human desires.
"Hurry up, Friday."
"Never end, vacation!"
"Where are you, lunch time?"
In my jobless state, I find myself wrestling mentally with time a lot. I make a big effort to fill each of my days with activity, knowing full well that nothing plunges me into a funk quite like waking up to a day with zero plans. I hope that night will fall quickly on the occasional days that feel long and empty, all while thinking that the calendar pages seem to be flipping a little too quickly. Either way, I'm painfully aware of the passage of time.
But for the last 3 days, I let myself be blissfully unaware of time. I bussed up to NYC and jumped from restaurant to ice creamery to restaurant to bar to restaurant, zig-zagged all over Manhattan on foot, ferried to NJ to hang out with my grandma at her beach club, stood ankle-deep in the ocean for a bit, and made a big scene in Battery Park City along with a few thousand similarly-dressed strangers (Can you spot my sister and I?). I laughed with blog friends and family and slept very well each night.
I realized after I boarded my bus back to DC this morning that I had no idea what day of the month it was. I knew it was Monday, but I had to dig my ticket out of my bag to remind myself that it was the 18th. I couldn't remember the last time that happened. And it felt good.
I will keep trying to knock the "un-" off my unemployed status. I will continue to search for my next step. But I will also let myself get lost in the present every now and then.
funny, now that i'm working full time once again (for uh, one day) i am more excited about the idea of thursday night plans than ever. the sweet taste of the weekend is just too good.
ReplyDeletebut yeah. i really feel like being present (or whatever) helped me knock the "un" (or "fun" :P) off my status. when i told myself i'd just embrace it and deal with it without being too self-deprecating, good things started to happen. funny how that works, huh? :)
Add a "f" to your unemployed status.
ReplyDeleteGet it?
i like this post a lot. this is 100% the attitude you have to have. remember this is the first time in your *entire* life that you have not been in school, and while i know it's strange to feel like you're floundering in the unknown, i think it's important that you try to enjoy the period of uncertainty for what it is. the next step, whatever it is, will come eventually. in the meantime, maybe it's time to stop thinking of yourself as "unemployed" and start thinking of yourself as "recently graduated and exploring," you know?
ReplyDeleteit was so great to see you last weekend, and i'm psyched that you ended up at northern spy too! hopefully see you again sooner rather than later!
I'm in a similar state of disconnect with the calendar. while I have an uneasy sense that I'm supposed to be doing something meaningful and productive right now, I'm still enjoying each and every moment and being very present. tomorrow will come, and change will happen, but for right now, it's very OK to be happy practicing being mindful and just here.
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